Teacher’s Lounge : Humor

So You Want to be a Teacher… 
Added 5-24-99 
Original Author: Unknown

Do you like to educate young people?
So you can make the world a better place?
And still get off work by 3:30 ?

Do you like school?
And would you enjoy working with kids?
Who don’t ?

Are you a serious scholar?
Who likes teaching?
And monitoring cafeterias ?

Do you enjoy meeting new people?
Who remind you of yourself?
When you were an obnoxious kid ?

Are you a tactful person?
Who can talk to parents about their children’s problems?
When the children’s problems are their parents ?

Do you want to have a two-month summer vacation?
So you can do fun things?
Like teach summer school ?

Do you like to eat? Exotic foods?
Such as BBQ meatloaf square surprise ?

Top Ten 
Added: 07-28-2000 
Original Author: Unknown

Top Ten Reasons to Become a Preschool Teacher
1. Cute little children. . .Cute little paycheck.
2. Confidence that you will never, ever forget to count to 10.
3. Attention span. . .Do they have one?
4. Shoes that untie themselves.
5. Get to sing your favorite songs over and over and over.
6. With all this bending, who needs aerobics?
7. Play, play, play.
8. Classroom art proudly displayed in kitchen “galleries”.
9. Small hands. . .LARGE crayons.
10. You alone make little ones count.

The Licensing Game 
Added: 09-20-2000 
Original Author: Unknown

1. Orientation
2. Start
3. Send in application
4. Call licensor because of no response to application
5. Application lost, return to START.
6. While crawling around measuring floor space, your back gives out, lose 1 turn.
7. First home visit
8. Your kids act up in front of licensor, GO BACK 1
9. Licensor finds beer in your fridge-offer her one
10. Your fridge temp is 43. Licenser makes you buy new one
11. Extra paperwork, LOSE 1 TURN
12. Argue with licensor over where to put dieffenbachia
13. READ RULE. Remain here till you understand it
14. Find thermometer licensor left in fridge, GO FORWARD 1
15. Working on your policy, LOSE A WEEKEND (and sleep)
16. Counting your toys and equipment, LOSE 1 TURN
17. You try to fit a bright red fire extinguisher into your pastel blue kitchen
18. Your daughter refuses to give up her pet chicken. Apply for variance, WAIT 2 TURNS
19. You remove your double-key deadbolt lock, next day a burglar steals your computer.
20. A reference letter got lost, GO BACK 1
21. Visit 11 stores trying to find a 2 3/8″ diameter sphere to check your crib.
22. Your husband objects when you practice unlocking the bathroom door while he is showering.
23. Wait for fire inspection. LOSE 2 TURNS
24. Police confuse your name with that of public enemy #1 SPEND WEEKEND WITH FBI
25. Learn from police report your husband has a hidden past. File for divorce.
26. Licensor objects to your substituting maple syrup for  Ipecac syrup.
27. Second home visit.
28. Fire Marshal come. YOU PASS! GO FORWARD 2 spaces
29. Spring thaw. Licensor finds ditch drain in back yard. Requires fence. LOSE 1 TURN
30. Licensor says it won’t be long now.
31. Computer rejects your name, GO BACK 2
32. First run-in with unreasonable parent, Cry all night
33. You don’t understand how may children you may have  LOSE 1 TURN
34. You spot your licensor in Target during working hours. GO FORWARD 3 AND TAKE ANOTHER TURN
35. License comes, is incorrect, GO BACK 2
36. Take eight children to the park, come back with 7 PANIC
37. Parents pay bonus for potty training! FAINT
38. Receive letter from licensor saying you’re recommended for licensure. GO FORWARD 1
39. Receive 1st Food program check. CELEBRATE
40. Drop-in complaint. If you have too many children, GO BACK 1, if not GO FORWARD 2
41. Call licensor with problem. Not at desk, will call you back.
42. Ditto
43. Ditto
44. Licensor calls back, by now problem has solved itself
45. Tax laws change, You are paralyzed with shock. LOSE 2 TURNS
46. Drop in visit. If your hair is in curlers, GO BACK 1, if not GO FORWARD 1
47. Your child shoots licensor with water gun. Pretend not to notice.
48. Relicensing due! No training, GO BACK 1
49. Boring training session, fall asleep. LOSE 1 TURN
50. Neighbor calls you a babysitter. Punch him in the nose.
51. Relicensing. RETURN TO START!

Are You A True Preschool Teacher? added 2-22-01 
Original Author Unknown

Are you a true preschool teacher?  Take this test and kind out:

1. Do you ask guests if they have remembered their scarves and mittens as they leave your home?
2. Do you move your dinner partner’s glass away from the edge of the table?
3. Do you ask if anyone needs to go to the bathroom as you enter a theater with a group of friends?
4. Do you hand a tissue to anyone who sneezes?
5. Do you refer to happy hour as “snack time”?
6. Do you declare “no cuts” when a shopper squeezes ahead of you in a checkout line?
7. Do you say “I like the way you did that” to the mechanic who repairs your car nice?
8. Do you ask “Are you sure you did your best?” to the mechanic who fails to repair your car to your satisfaction?
9. Do you sing the “Alphabet Song” to yourself as you look up a number in the phone book?
10. Do you say everything twice? I mean, do you repeat everything?
11. Do you fold your spouse’s fingers over the coins as you hand him/her the money at a tollbooth?
12. Do you ask a quiet person at a party if he has something to share with the group?
 * If you answered yes to 4 or more, it’s in your soul–you are hooked on teaching.  And if you’re not a teacher, you missed your calling.
* If you answered yes to 8 or more, well, maybe it’s *too much* in your soul–you should probably begin thinking about retirement.
* If you answered yes to all 12, forget it–you’ll *always* be a teacher, retired or not!

You Might Be a Teacher If
Added: 5-6-01 
Original Author: Unknown

1. When out in public you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior 
2. You have no life between August to June 
3. When you mention “Vegetables” you’re not talking about a food group 
4. You encourage an obnoxious parent to check into charter schools or home schooling 
5. You can tell if it’s a full moon without ever looking outside 
6. You can’t have children because there’s no name you could give a child that wouldn’t bring on high blood pressure the moment you heard it uttered 
7. You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form 
8. Marking all A’s on report cards would make your life SO much simpler 
9. Your personal life comes to a screeching halt at report card time 
10. Meeting a child’s parent instantly answers the question “Why is this kid like this?”

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