What Your Children Really
What This Holiday Season
are your children have a long list of gifts they'd like to receive during
the holidays. Are you frustrated because they don't seem to understand the
spirit of the season? Maybe they just need some coaching. According to Jo
Robinson and Jean Coppock Staeheli1 [in their book *Unplug
the Christmas Machine*, pp. 55-64], children really want four things
during the holiday season.
1. Relaxed and loving time with the family. During the holiday
season, lives become crowded with program practices, shopping trips, and
parties. Even when parents are at home, they are often busy with holiday
chores, plans, and money worries. Lots of gifts and attention when the
holiday arrives won't make up for your absence now. "Children,"
say the authors, "want love in a steady, constant way."
They advise setting firm priorities so you can give your children the
attention they need. Consider turning down some social invitations to
spend more time with your family. You may decide to order gifts from a
mail-order house to save time shopping.
2. Realistic expectations about gifts. Children who think only
about gifts at this time of year can feel terribly let down when the
holidays are over. Their new toys can't possibly be all they thought they
would be after they've waited for them for weeks. Robinson and Staeheli
suggest making other parts of the holiday as exciting as opening presents.
"Children," say the authors, "want and need their parents
to define the celebration for them." Talk with your children about
gifts and your own sense of values. Then plan family activities in which
gifts play only one part. Shift the focus from receiving to giving by
making special treats or crafts for neighbors and friends, a homeless
shelter, or a crisis nursery.
Also, plan exciting family activities to look forward to before and after
you open gifts. "That way," say Robinson and Staeheli,
"gifts start taking their rightful place in the activities."
They also suggest teaching your children the difference between
commercials and regular television programs. Robinson and Staeheli believe
that as powerful as commercials are, a parent's influence can be more
powerful. They suggest watching an hour of television with your children
and having them yell "Commercial!" each time a new one appears
on the screen. Then talk about what you have seen. Help your children
learn that the purpose of advertising is to sell products.
3. An evenly paced holiday season. Because stores start cranking up
for the holiday season sometime around Halloween, children wait and wait
for the holidays to arrive. Then, when the last gift is unwrapped,
suddenly it's all over. Robinson and Staeheli suggest postponing important
family traditions until a week or so before the holiday. They also suggest
saving a few for the week after the main event. For example, consider
hosting a potluck dinner for family and friends a week after the holiday.
4. Strong family traditions. Traditions are important to children
because they give them comfort and security. They help children understand
how the season will unfold, and they bring back happy memories of past
holidays together. Robinson and Staeheli say that most families have more
traditions than they realize and that even simple traditions will do. They
advise asking your children which activities mean the most to them. Then,
be sure to do them every year.
Give your children these four gifts and you'll give yourself a lovely
present as well. You'll spend more time doing the things that really
matter and less frenzied time at the mall and the toy store.
Robinson, Jo, and Jean Coppock Staeheli. 1982. *Unplug the Christmas
Machine*. New York: Quill.
Reprinted with permission from the National
Network for Child Care - NNCC. Picklesimer, P. (1995). What your children
really want this holiday season. In Todd, C.M. (Ed.), *Child care
connections*, 5(2), Urbana-Champaign, IL: University of Illinois
Cooperative Extension Service.